I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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