can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
