In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
