i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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