Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???