pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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