New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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