he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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