I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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