oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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