At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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