omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
