The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize