no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
