We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
