he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
