i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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