I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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