Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
