i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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