He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
