your parents love me but you hate me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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