You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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