i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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