I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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