Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
