You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
