i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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