I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
