My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
