I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
