I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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