Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
