Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We need to get me chipped asap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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