omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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