Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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