while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
