dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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