Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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