you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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