so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
