Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
