Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
