remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
