It's like a parade of train wrecks.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
