I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
