my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
