This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
