If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
