the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
