the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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