i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
