Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
