my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think my mom watched the whole time
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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