FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
