I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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