Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
