So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
