do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
