Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
