You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
