ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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