I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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