They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
