all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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