Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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