peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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