I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
