i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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