I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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