That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
