I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nicole vs. Life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
