just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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