Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
