i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
