god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
