I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
