Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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